I blog, therefore I am...

There have been some pretty amazing things going on in my life lately and I can make my blog either accurate or interesting, but I can't make it both.

Have you noticed?

The other night Posh and I were having a nice meal in a restaurant dining room that was right next to the bar...a few feet away I could see and hear four young men talking about what they had recently bought at department stores and, oh yeah, all four were drinking lite beers...

At a table a bit farther away I could see four young women shooting tequilas and, oh yeah, three of them had tattoos...

It's different out there now...A lot of things have changed and I hadn't really noticed...

THINGS I’LL NEVER DO OR NEVER DO AGAIN

• Eat 5 banana splits at one setting…did it in high school to win a $5 bet…
• Outrun my grandkids…no sense in even trying
• Do a cartwheel…never could and never will
• Drink gin…it tastes like juniper berries, which is what it is…crappy…
• Go on a roller coaster…not necessarily afraid of heights but afraid of falling and hitting the ground…
• Try to pogo…tried it once when I was a little kid and thought it was stupid and still do…
• Drive cross country…did it a few times…once when family moved to Calif from Canada and again with my immediate family in a motor home…the second time was great…again is not in the cards,
• Think I don’t need sunblock…a sign of old age
• Drink alcohol with any kind of worm in it…yeah, sure!
• Use mascara to hide the gray in my mustache…everyone knew.
• Wear a leisure suite with flared lapels…I looked cool…everyone was doing it…
• Buy a dictionary or thesaurus…who needs these anymore with computers.
• Buy another set of golf clubs…I’ve purchased 5 sets in my life, all were the latest equipment guaranteed to shave 5 strokes off my game…by now I should be shooting in the 70’s…but I ain’t.
• Play video games…never again…never liked them and my 4 year old grandson beats me all the time; I quit.
• Get a tattoo…yeah, right
• Buy a book…if it ain’t a Kindle I ain’t buying it.
• Play solitaire on the computer…I play Spider Solitaire.
• Buy a time share…you can get one for almost free now.
• Buy new hand tools like hammers, saws…I stopped building stuff…I read.
• Load up my BlackBerry with ring tones, wallpaper, games and stuff…when I go out these days I leave it at home…it feels so good.
• Send a message in a bottle…I live too far from the beach
• Hug a tree…I love them but don’t need to hug ‘em.
• Take a cold shower…never had to and never will.
• Go without food for 5 days…why?
• Go to Thailand…ditto
• Scuba dive…it’s why I play golf where nothing’s gonna bite me.
• Walk the Golden Gate Bridge…too high, too long and too windy.
• Have a body part pierced…would be hard deciding which part.
• Hike the Grand Canyon…dumbest thing I ever heard.
• Para sail…another dumb thing…if God wanted us to fly he would have given us wings.

WHO KNEW...

There's a new babysitting device available to parents and grandparents...it isn't one that will actually take care of your child or grandchild, but one that will surely please him or her and completely serve a useful function as well...talk about a new green thing...
Give up?
A hint...I now work in my home and am deluged daily with adds, junk mail, envelopes and cheap newspapers that I immediately discard in my trash can...
You should have one because it helps keep our planet green(er)...

It's an electric paper shredder!!!

My youngest grand kids totally love (with my overseeing) to drop papers into this marvelous invention and watch it do its thing...I have to watch the littlest guy so he doesn't click the machine in reverse to see the shreds coming out, or pull the lid off and handle the shredded paper like confetti...well, maybe it's not that great a toy...but the grand kids love me the most and that makes it worthwhile...they like shredding with me better than eating grandma's cookies, at least until they're done shredding...

Golf on Television

Who watches golf on TV ?
Who calls eight friends over and gets a keg of beer and a bottle of Vodka?
Landscape architects, I guess. They sit around the TV, yelling,
"Will you look at that golf path? Pure pea gravel."

'LOL' ME TO DEATH

I don't know about you but are you tired of seeing LOL on Facebook? I've seen it used too many times, and even in the same sentence...once at the beginning, in the fourth word, in the middle, and at the end...I mean, like, give me a freaken break...say it with words, dumb sh*t...how many times can you really mean you're laughing out loud in a sentence?

You know what else drive me nuts? Facebook one-liners saying "I'm going to breakfast now and it's going to be the greatest day'! REALLY? How often do we all have breakfast and it ain't no freaken big deal...How about telling everyone you just finished eating the best pizza in your life and now you can't decide what you'll have for dessert: a cupcake or a brownie...Really?
Or how about this one...I read it on Facebook a while ago...OK, I DO read Facebook and I post clever, neat and funny stuff on it and I DON'T use LOL...anyhow, I saw one this morning that read "Boohoo...I'm out of French Vanilla coffee creamer...it's gonna be a long day"...really?

How about the geniuses that can't spot that they have the 'Caps Lock' on...do you think they ever read what they just wrote? do you think they have no idea what the backspace button's for? Really freaken clever, eh?
But what I hate even more than all the LOL's are the City Ville requests for virtual crap...what's with people asking for donations to City Ville? I mean, do you have nothing else in the world to do? Do you know how to read? Ever try Goggling something to find out how much you don't know about something? I saw one the other day asking for donations for donuts to feed busy cops! Yup! Really!!!!
Excuse me, but I'm LMMFAO.