THINGS I’LL NEVER DO OR NEVER DO AGAIN

• Eat 5 banana splits at one setting…did it in high school to win a $5 bet…
• Outrun my grandkids…no sense in even trying
• Do a cartwheel…never could and never will
• Drink gin…it tastes like juniper berries, which is what it is…crappy…
• Go on a roller coaster…not necessarily afraid of heights but afraid of falling and hitting the ground…
• Try to pogo…tried it once when I was a little kid and thought it was stupid and still do…
• Drive cross country…did it a few times…once when family moved to Calif from Canada and again with my immediate family in a motor home…the second time was great…again is not in the cards,
• Think I don’t need sunblock…a sign of old age
• Drink alcohol with any kind of worm in it…yeah, sure!
• Use mascara to hide the gray in my mustache…everyone knew.
• Wear a leisure suite with flared lapels…I looked cool…everyone was doing it…
• Buy a dictionary or thesaurus…who needs these anymore with computers.
• Buy another set of golf clubs…I’ve purchased 5 sets in my life, all were the latest equipment guaranteed to shave 5 strokes off my game…by now I should be shooting in the 70’s…but I ain’t.
• Play video games…never again…never liked them and my 4 year old grandson beats me all the time; I quit.
• Get a tattoo…yeah, right
• Buy a book…if it ain’t a Kindle I ain’t buying it.
• Play solitaire on the computer…I play Spider Solitaire.
• Buy a time share…you can get one for almost free now.
• Buy new hand tools like hammers, saws…I stopped building stuff…I read.
• Load up my BlackBerry with ring tones, wallpaper, games and stuff…when I go out these days I leave it at home…it feels so good.
• Send a message in a bottle…I live too far from the beach
• Hug a tree…I love them but don’t need to hug ‘em.
• Take a cold shower…never had to and never will.
• Go without food for 5 days…why?
• Go to Thailand…ditto
• Scuba dive…it’s why I play golf where nothing’s gonna bite me.
• Walk the Golden Gate Bridge…too high, too long and too windy.
• Have a body part pierced…would be hard deciding which part.
• Hike the Grand Canyon…dumbest thing I ever heard.
• Para sail…another dumb thing…if God wanted us to fly he would have given us wings.