spending an hour or so yesterday cleaning up my Word files of a ton of junk attempting to make my computer run a little faster. It didn’t help at all. I'm writing Santa for a new computer. Wedged into a gazillion files I found this letter I wrote almost 10 years ago to a consultant who moonlighted for my firm. He was a semi-family friend and we played golf often:
July 7, 1998
Dear Ed,
Enclosed is a check for your last invoice.
It goes against my better judgement to pay you for this invoice, which represents time you spent correcting errors you made on the Fiesta Park project in Fontana. But you are a crying whiner and loser who will badmouth me to everyone you encounter. So I am paying you to keep your fat mouth shut and get you finally out of my work life...amf
Based on our conversation on the phone the other day, regarding work you performed for me in the past six or eight months, thanks for weekends and late nights you put in, but what I have to say is something you already know: how disappointed I was when you were preparing your golf vacation, and dropped me and my work and deadlines so you could work for people with smaller projects who would pay you faster. Talk about unprofessional. Leave me hanging like that. Your professional commitment and sense of responsibility disappeared as well, when you were moving last year and went through a lot of personal problems, using my office as yours, my fax, phone, long distance…………………………………………you cheap shit.
Dear Ed,
Enclosed is a check for your last invoice.
It goes against my better judgement to pay you for this invoice, which represents time you spent correcting errors you made on the Fiesta Park project in Fontana. But you are a crying whiner and loser who will badmouth me to everyone you encounter. So I am paying you to keep your fat mouth shut and get you finally out of my work life...amf
Based on our conversation on the phone the other day, regarding work you performed for me in the past six or eight months, thanks for weekends and late nights you put in, but what I have to say is something you already know: how disappointed I was when you were preparing your golf vacation, and dropped me and my work and deadlines so you could work for people with smaller projects who would pay you faster. Talk about unprofessional. Leave me hanging like that. Your professional commitment and sense of responsibility disappeared as well, when you were moving last year and went through a lot of personal problems, using my office as yours, my fax, phone, long distance…………………………………………you cheap shit.
In our telephone conversation last week, we talked about the Fiesta Park project, and you said something about the responsibility you displayed was equal to the hourly rate you were making. You’re an idiot. What a dumb thing to say. What would you charge if I ever employed you in the future (which I never will) to work and be committed, responsible and professional? Why not ask for an increase in your hourly rate? Why didn’t you ever take me up on offers to do contract work for a flat fee instead of on an hourly basis? I asked you time and time again. But you seem to prefer working at hourly rates. Because you are irresponsible, lazy, and stupid and cheat about hours you worked at home. You meathead...
You know very little about grading, and only a little bit about irrigation design. Certainly not enough to have attempted to do the Park for Fiesta. You were in over your head and knew it. I wish I had known it...................................................................You miserable shithead.
You’re a good designer and draftsman on easy projects with fast turnarounds and fast pay. On large, long lasting projects you don’t display much excitement, commitment and responsibility. You’re a loser. It’s your shortcoming, the reason you will forever be second rate. You’re never going anywhere, nobody likes you, and you’re lazy, fat and happy the way you are. Good for you.
Your word means nothing, you have no honor or integrity, and you are an irresponsible and unaccountable man... and you cheat at golf, welch on golf bets and nobody likes you.
Have a nice day.
Pete
You know very little about grading, and only a little bit about irrigation design. Certainly not enough to have attempted to do the Park for Fiesta. You were in over your head and knew it. I wish I had known it...................................................................You miserable shithead.
You’re a good designer and draftsman on easy projects with fast turnarounds and fast pay. On large, long lasting projects you don’t display much excitement, commitment and responsibility. You’re a loser. It’s your shortcoming, the reason you will forever be second rate. You’re never going anywhere, nobody likes you, and you’re lazy, fat and happy the way you are. Good for you.
Your word means nothing, you have no honor or integrity, and you are an irresponsible and unaccountable man... and you cheat at golf, welch on golf bets and nobody likes you.
Have a nice day.
Pete
p.s. I never sent it to him!
But it felt so good writing this letter and I certainly love reading it over and over.
I changed some of the more colorful expressions for today...
5 comments:
I always wondered where I got my "mean letter" writing skills from, and now I know. I guess I'm not adopted.
This is hilarious. The last few lines are my favorite...
Pete, I love it. Talk about honesty! I can relate to that writer so well. I wrote a similar one to my former husband...didn't send it but, felt good to write and read.
Hmmm.. Pete, let's have lunch. I'm dying to know Ed is.
THAT IS GREAT! Maybe I will have you write a letter or two that deserves being written and mailed! I know again...I am a Christian woman and I hate that there are a FEW (and I mean a few, really not many) people who REALLY deserve to hear some reality!
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