Story of a challenged senior:

Sent to me by my best old friend...
I just had to get this one out there...
Thanks Dann

I thought about the 30 year business I ran with 1800
employees, all without a Blackberry that played music, took videos, pictures
and communicated with Face book and Twitter.
I signed up under duress for Twitter and Face book, so my seven
kids, their spouses, 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate
with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as
Twitter with only 140 characters of space.
That was before one of my grand kids hooked me up for Tweeter,
Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix
and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other
program within the texting world.
My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of
everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am
not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf
bag.
The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I
get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I
keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone
I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line
at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife as everyone in the nearest 50 yards
was glaring at me. Seems I have to take my hearing aid out to use it and I
got a little loud.
I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dashboard, but the lady
inside was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time.
Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-ul-ating" You would
think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me.
She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the
next light. Then when I would make a right turn instead, it was not good.
When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name
of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as
Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.
To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the
cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still
haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have run
around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty
laundry baskets when the phone rings.
The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me
up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle
on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I
check out just knocks me for a loop.
I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking
confused but I never remember to take them in with me.
Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or
Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I'm bi-sacksual.." Then it's
their turn to stare at me with a blank look.